Time Machine

Its been one of the deepest fantasies of every man to invent a time machine, to travel back in time to correct his mistakes (or screw em up much more ). Imagine if ever this thing becomes what may be the consequences and confusions

Confusion 1:

If you travel to the past to kill a person, and succeed, then in the future (your present) that person will not exist, thus you don't have to go back in time to kill him/her. But if you didn't go back, then he/she will still be alive. Then you'd have to send yourself back in time to kill him/her, but, if you succeed, he/she wouldn't be alive when you first planned to kill him/her. And, as it is pointless to kill a dead person, you give up the time travel. But look! He/She is still alive, because you didn't go back in time to kill him/her! And if you decide to kill that person again in his/her past, then you'd travel back in time, and if you succeed, that person would be dead in the future again, so you wouldn't bother building the extremely expensive time-travelling machinery to kill a dead person! And as soon as you give up travelling in time, the previously deceased ceases its deceased state, because you had never really killed him/her.

Confusion 2 :

If you travel back in time and accidentally kill your grandfather, you would not exist in the present, and thus you'd be in a condition totally inappropriate for travelling; you'd be non-existent. But, if you don't exist, then you cannot kill your grandfather, so your grandfather would live his life well, until an ungrateful grandchild happened to kill him. Unless you also impregnate your grandmother while in the past. But that's just wrong.

Confusion 3:

You find a time machine and realize it works. Immediately you are visited by yourself, only older. His time machine is broken, so he wants yours. Unfortunately, he is a complete freaking moron so you try to kill him. Sadly, he kills you. But if he killed you, how could he kill you? And why are you such a freaking moron in the future anyway?

Confusion 4:

You are intersex, and you are taken back in time and tricked into impregnating your younger, female self (before you underwent a sex change). Your younger self then gives birth to yourself, which an older you then kidnaps and drops off in an orphanage several years in the past in order to ensure your own existence, with the resulting consequence that you are your own mother, father, son, and daughter. You also realize that you seduced yourself and had a one-night stand with yourself, and you are therefore the world's sickest bastard.

Confusion 5:

You go back in time and mess everything up, but when you get back to the present it turns out you'd already messed everything up in the past BEFORE YOU EVEN WENT BACK so everything's exactly the same.

To overcome these confusions one has to follow few things like

1.  Don't ask your younger/older self what's going on.
2. While time travelling, don't alter the past.

    Altering the past includes:

• • Killing people. Those people include important historical figures, your relatives, and most important, yourself. Do not kill yourself. Unless, of course you were supposed to, then don't not do it!
  • Having unsafe sexual relations with people from the past. Unless, of course you were supposed to, then don't not do it!
  • Leaving objects from the Future. Audi's, I-pods, garbage and laser pistols must be brought back. Unless, of course you were supposed to, then don't not do it!
  • Putting instant coffee in a microwave oven. Unless, of course you were supposed to, then don't not do it!
  • Speaking, writing, drawing, miming, or communicate future events in any means. Unless, of course you were supposed to, then don't not do it!
  • Killing certain types of Snakes and Ocelots. Unless, of course you were supposed to, then don't not do it!
  • Backdating checks or money orders. Unless, of course you were supposed to, then don't not do it!
  • Transmitting recordings of old time radio shows into a black hole. Unless, of course you were supposed to, then don't not do it!
  • Enslaving native people. Unless, of course you were supposed to, then don't not do it!
  • Singing New songs. Unless, of course you were supposed to, then don't not do it!
  • Existing. Unless, of course you were supposed to, then don't not do it!
  • Associate with Doctor Who. Unless, of course you were suppose to, then don't not do it!
  
  
  But if you stick to the rules, time-travelling can be fun. 
  Please remember to always wear the appropriate clothes for the time/place you are visiting, and keep your hands and internal organs inside the time machine during the travel. or, quite simply, DON'T MESS WITH THE UNIVERSE OR ITS CONTENTS.