Engineering & Engineers

The sole purpose of engineering is to take a simple task and make it difficult.

It is also found that Engineering is a common genetic disorder which (like color blindness) is most commonly manifest among males and has recently mutated into a form able to infect the female population.

Engineering can be opted only when you are mentally weak and only those people choose this danger who want to end up their life.

The main characteristics and behavious of engineers

 Include impaired physical coordination, stunted muscle growth, inability to, use commas effectively, spelling and grammatical incompetence, linguistic employment of sophisticated incomprehensible techno-jargon, impaired social skills, and an obtuse ignorance of all fashion rules. This combination of mental, physical and social dysfunctions has often been compared to other disabilities.

Engineering can be opted only when you are mentally weak and only those people choose this danger who want to end up their life.

Engineers are a strange specimen who ensure your roof does not fall on your head, they do this by ensuring any structural stability is promptly removed (their favorite way of doing this is by destroying any supporting members in a building, preferably with an axe or dead beaver).

Engineers are descended from geologists and are one of the few living examples of 'backwards evolution'. Some say that removing all reasoning skills, common-sense, relevant and useful intelligence and all social and communication skills from a Geologist will usually result in the creation of a true 'Engineer'. However, this ignores the fact that typical engineers can actually do mathematics, whereas geologists are better known for their ability to drink beer and eat granola bars simultaneously. Thus their entry criteria differ.

An increasing number of 'Engineers' are self-styled and the result of an obsession to join the very popular and largely superfluous 'Engineering Fraternity'. To qualify as one of these 'new generation' engineers, one needs only to add the word 'Engineer' after any job title. There are no restrictions and is typically limited only to the imagination. Some popular and common examples include: Waste Disposal Engineer (garbage dump attendant), Mechanical Engineer (grease monkey/mechanic), Electrical Engineer (electrician), Aerospace Engineer (contraption inventor), Maintenance Engineer (janitors & council workers), Safety Engineer (cross-walk attendant), Production Engineer (factory worker), Livestock Processing Engineer (slaughterhouse gun-man), Stock Control Engineer (shelf packer), Petroleum Engineer (ExCel Spreadsheet Operator), Mining Engineer (Sandbox Enthusiast), Domestic Engineer (housewife or househusband).

Engineers are rarely found in the presence of any other animals, and generally fear human contact. When forced to, engineers will group together and exhibit meager signs of friendship, though it is generally believed that this is strictly a survival instinct, and that no engineer actually wants to be friends with anybody other than their calculator.

Many engineers - oftentimes the ones that barely complete their engineering degrees - enjoy a good rousing chorus of song. One especial such chant is as follows

We are, we are

We are the engineers

We can, we can

Demolish forty beers

Drink rum, drink rum

And come along with us

For we don't give a damn

For any damn man

Who won't give a damn for us

Engineers believe that the Ritualistic Sacrifice of a building or other public asset every decade or so, through it collapse, will bring about a new age where they will be able to exhibitCharisma. There is much confusion amongst members of the public who mistakenly believe structural collapse, even when minor, is the result of incompetence or hubris of the engineer

Student Engineer

Student Engineers, or Engineering Students, are the young, developing engineer. They spend many hours on getting drunk and watching Sci-fic Movies. These future engineers also spend much of their time unwashed except when doing the latter of the above. It is also a fact that In their first few years of life, student engineers are amongst the laziest, most apathetic people on the planet, even more so than gypsies.

Freshman students often transform into engineers after wandering into buildings at their college campus at night after heavy drinking. Typically 5 to 6 years later, they will emerge from the same building they were last seen entering. Approximately 30% survive the gestation period, the remaining 70% can usually be found either in business schools or bars, sometimes both. Outside of the engineering building (the nest) student engineers are easily recognized when they leave the building as they travel in herds of other engineers and make jokes that no one outside of the group understands.

Little Known facts about engineers

• Engineers may be able to hold a pen, but spelling is certainly beyond their abilities. If they have to identify themselves in writing, the result is invariably injuneer.
• The World Society For Written Communication found engineers to have the writing and grammar skills of a mentally challenged chimpanzee
• The Female to Male ratio among Engineers is approximately 1:e^888888888 which contributes to their dwindling numbers in the wild. It is a common misconception that there are no female engineers. This is not the case. They simply look so alike as to be utterly indistinguishable. It's the beards.
• All offspring of Engineers mutate to become anything other than Engineers at first sight of their parents.
• The main difference between a Pig and an Engineer is that a Pig does not turn into an Engineer when it gets drunk.
• A recent world-wide study of more than seventeen engineers found 9/10 of them are ashamed to admit they're an engineer, preferring instead to tell others they are janitors, groundsmen, school teachers or pimps, among others.