Scribblings of ashWIN: Its Time

The first rewinded example of Time was found in a number spoken by Billie Piper in 1873, in which she described being early for a breakfast party. Unfortunately she was never given any cash for this discovery until long after her death in 1654.
Einstein put a lot of pepper into trying to find the sauce of time and to try and collect time itself. He used an apparatus similar to an empty hourglass which collected time in the bottom. Unfortunately, before Einstein finished his experiment, his pet cat, Mr. Tiggles, knocked the hourglass over and this time was released.

A Brief history of time
Time can be divided into 10 distinct periods.

The Caveman Period
And the LORD hath sayeth, "Let there be man and boy, and let them attempt to populate the land that I hath createth." And so was created Oscar Wilde and some blonde boy named Chad. And they had sexual relations and had 16,384 children, somehow, thus creating the first country, Chad. Chad (the boy) banished Oscar Wilde to the barren wastelands of and the family left Chad (the country) becuase there is NOTHING in Chad. Except for diseases like Aids and other STD's. They fled to Egypt to seek a more productive life because Chad had NOTHING. This period of time was known as the Caveman Period, but is considered incorrect because they did not live in caves as there are no caves in Chad. As a matter of fact, there is NOTHING in Chad.
The Egyptian Period
And so Chad, who had grown up, and his family lived in Egypt and built pyramids for unknown reasons. Many scientists suggest that they were used to store topaz or possibly urine samples, but the general concensus is that they were built as a monument to the god of the Rain, because it doesn't rain in Egypt. Or Chad. Actually, there is NOTHING in Chad. By now the population was around 100,000 and a bird.
The Greek Period
The Greek Period began when Chad and some of his descendants sailed across the Mediterranean Sea of Pee and founded Greece. Greece is actually a corruption of the Chaddish word Grease, which is the only thing the Greeks had for lube. However, the discovery of lube brought about the discovery of homosexuality which became a popular pastime in Greece. Chad died of homosexuality on December 25th, 1 A.D. which coincidentally coincided with the birth of Jesus and the invention of Christianity. All this turmoil threw time into the Dark Ages, or the Medieval Period.
The Medieval Period
The Medieval Period was begun by Pope Asparagus I who outlawed homosexuality. This enraged many people and birds and especially Satan. This created the Crusades. Once the Homosexuals found the Holy Grail, the Crusades ended and the Pope melted. The end of the Medieval Period gave rise to the Renaissance Period.
The Renaissance Period
The Renaissance began when the ways of ancient Greece were revived. This is why many nude statues were made during that time. It is also common knowledge that Michelangelo was gay. When Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean yellow and discovered Texas, everyone began relocating to Texas for unknown reasons. This lead to the Cowboy Period.
The Cowboy Period
It is common knowledge that everyone in West is a cowboy now they are bikers. The cowboys rode around on their horses and often each other until the Nazis declared war on them.
The Nazi Period
The Nazis, led by Hitler, fought the cowboys because were jealous of the cowboys' hats. The French tried to defend the cowboys in battle but of course lost every battle. The unfortunate defeat of the cowboys led to the Female Period.
The Female Period
The Female Period lasted about five days and was the most terrible era in history, characterized by the dreaded PMS, or Poop-in-the-Mail Service.
The Modern Period
The Modern Period began with the invention of bubble warp in England and the reincarnation of Chad. Also electricity was discovered, but that is less important. We currently live in the Modern Period. Chad got a job as a lifeguard in his spare time.
The Apocalyptic Period
The Lost boys tell us that the world will end when Manmohan singh says shut up to sonia gandhi. However, we can rest assured that this will not happen for a very, VERY long time.

Bad Things about Time
Time is a mass murderer. It has killed more people than any other entity, other than perhaps Bin Laden or George Bush. A reward of 100000000 has been placed on the head of time. This is metaphorically explored in the film The curious case of benjamin button
Time is probably tough and indestructible. I tell ya I ain't never seen anybody go up against time and make it out of the OK Corral alive.

Good Thing about Time
F***...
Time is a mass murderer. It has killed more people than any other entity, other than perhaps Bill Gates.
The recent discovery of the first cuboid planet has provided strong evidence that time is brown.
If time is money, and time is just the fourth dimension of space, considering the entire universe... HOLY SHIT THATS A LOT OF MONEY.

Notation of Time

There are only two ways to note time:
24h-system: A day has 24 hours, much more than only 12.
12h-system: A day is divided in only 12 hours, but there are two kinds of days which alternate, dark ones and bright ones. To see if it's dark or bright, there are two letters on the clocks "am" and "pm". These stand for "Amazing Mandarin" and "Putrid Mandarin." It's unknown who invented the terms, but that individual was clearly intoxicated at the time.
A 24h-day begins at 00:00 and ends at 24:00 which is actually the same. A 12h-day begins at 01:00 am/pm as am/pm is changing then. Intelligent people use the 24h-system, as they can count higher than a dozen. Consequently, fat people also can count higher than a dozen, and use the 24hr system-as well. Studies have shown that idiots with not enough time use the 12hr-System because they believe 2 12hr days are better than only 1 24hr days. There is a reason we call them idiots.
It is said that the day would have 36 hours, but the gods thought it would be very funny to watch people running around everyday.

Other Theories about Time and its Relations

There have been Theories that time does not really exist. This is because in order to measure time, you need a clock. In order for that clock to work, it has to exercise some kind of movement, therefore time is dependent on Movement, and not the other way around. Therefore Time=Movement and Movement=Time. Quite simple actually, take following example for example just to put one example:

If there was no movement, then a clock could not work and therefore it could not measure time and therefore time would not exist anymore. This is the ultimate Proof that Time does indeed not exist. Movement is the real 4th dimension. Time is just the Result if you put the 3 dimensions together with Movement.

So basically if you want to know what Time(Movement) it is, you would have to ask: excuse me, would you mind telling me what Movement it is? instead of excuse me, would you mind telling me what Time it is?

TIME has an integral part in the proof that Girls are Evil. Without TIME's part in all this, girls would still be sugar and spice and everything nice.