Friendship

Friendship is a vague human concept based on mutually beneficial interactions between two entities. Two humans are said to achieve friendship if they have amicable relations or intimacies. However, it is theorised that friendships are not limited solely to humans, and despite denials by the UN, tales of these interspecies still exist. Often confused with friendship, the Friend Ship is a popular medium of transport in European countries. Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis.

Why Is Friendship Important???

Yes, they are. Without them, you would sink into the eternal pits of hell, where you would wallow in self-pity until the apocalypse. Many people without friends find life to be unbearable and often resort to suicide or worse. Scientists have been unable to pinpoint the exact purpose of friendship, but it is widely believed in the scientific community that friendsips repel black holes. However, some radicals link friendships and their subsequent carbon emissions to global warming. Many of these "scientists" have been burned at the stake for their heresy, but the theory is still prevalent in Some countries. Also, friendships serve as the only working currency in Algeria.

Non-Human Friendship

Although humans are the only beings thought to experience friendship, there have been several reported cases of friendship in cats. The first sighting of this was in Texas in 1997, when a local shopkeeper saw cats who she said were "Jackin' each other." The American government have vehemently denied reports that friendship exists in cats. George Bush addressed the issue in November 2006, saying, "If cats could be friends they wouldn't have to lick their own asses." Further controversy was sparked in 2001 when a man in Arizona claimed that he had experienced inter-species friendship with a cat. He claimed that his cat 'Nixon' would rub off him in a promiscuous manner as if trying to initiate friendship. The man was subsequently executed for his comments, which were seen as treasonous. This provides further evidence against the idea of interspecies friendships.

Let's Just Be Friends

"Let's just be friends" has been a popular excuse to not date someone since the early 1800s. It is generally used by females though a man will occasionally say it. Scientists and theologists are still pondering it's meaning when used by non-hetero guys, but thanks to a recent study in the female language, we have been able to roughly translate it from girl speak to plain English.

Let's just be friends "Well, I'm really hot, and you're just not as hot as me. So I want to keep you around for a while so I can torture you with all the stories of the men who are hotter than you that I sleep with. But I still love you, just not in the way you love me. But I would get you high, so I could sleep with you then deny it."

The same research tends to prove that straight guys who say the 4 magic words really are trying to tell girls: "You are so ugly I would never ... EVER ... sleep with you." Meanwhile German scientist claim this is not entirely false, but would be more accurately translated into: "I doubt even my dog would hump you... !!"